Abbie Not Abigail

Maybe its one of the reasons I find going on dates with people I barely know very uncomfortable. I don't know. But when someone says something along the lines of, "tell me about yourself"... my stomach just drops. You really want me to explain who I am in a short paraphrased block of words? yeaaaaah that's a little difficult.

Websters defined Identity as:

i·den·ti·ty   [ahy-den-ti-tee, ih-den-]

1. the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, as under varying aspects or conditions
2. the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another
3. condition or character as to who a person or what a thing is: a case of mistaken identity.
4. the state or fact of being the same one as described.

When I really start to think about it, I don't even know where to begin in trying to explain who Abbie is and what makes me, me. So in my response to people inquiring I usually have the same, basic, uniform answers. "Well I go to Grand Valley, I'm studying elementary ed, I live in a house downtown with 6 of my closest friends, I'm really close with my family, I love playing beach volleyball, I nanny... oh yeah and I'm single". But when I start to think about all of that, it scares the piss out of me. All of these things that I've used to describe myself, are all things that could literally be drastically changed and removed from my life at any time. And lets be honest with ourselves, many probably will be in less than a year.

So its got me thinking. Where is my source of identity? Friends? Friends that are graduating, moving out of the state, getting married and moving on with life. Volleyball? yeah its great and right now its a sense of community for me but injuries happen, life happens. A college student? Well I graduate in December, thats going to change that label for me. Family? After this spring I've seen how even that can be taken away so quickly.

Life keeps moving so fast. People change. People move on. I have such a hard time of just letting go of things that used to be a form of identity for me. I hold on to relationships. I hold on to things that once made me happy. But it just continues to wear me down. If I continue to drag along all of these past things, they are just going to hold me down from experiencing what God has for me in my future.

I ran across this little gem this morning:

Isaiah 43
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;

you are mine. Thats just incredible to me. I long to have him be my source of identity. Obviously God put people in my life and gave me a passion for the hobbies that I enjoy and the dreams that I have, but if I don't legitimately put him in the center of who I am and make him glorified through it all, then it means nothing.