Abbie Not Abigail

This week I had my students watch Kid president, A letter to a person on their first day here. When I’m having hair pulling days and the kids don’t know how to be respectful to each other, I like to show this little guy for a little inspiration. Watch it. You won’t regret it. So naturally, I had to make this into some sort of writing assignment for the kiddos. I told them they had to write a letter to the incoming fifth graders and talk about what they had learned in the fifth grade and what they would warn them about or get them excited about. We had a long class conversation about how we learn from our mistakes and it just makes us stronger people and prepares us for future experiences.

I thought it only fair to write a letter myself. Heavens knows, I wouldn’t have predicted being thrown into this job when I graduated from college. Nothing could’ve fully prepared me for what I was stepping into when I stepped into my first ever classroom (three weeks into the school year starting).

So here’s a little reflection for myself. This won’t do justice to everything I’ve learned throughout this year, but we can give it a try.

Dear Rookie Teacher Miss. P,

            We always rolled our eyes when people told us that the first year was going to involve many tears, and nights of wanting to drink a whole bottle of wine to ourselves…. Unfortunately, they weren’t kidding. This year is going to break you into so many pieces. So many beautiful, confusing, hurtful, growing pieces.

            When you first meet your kiddos, they are going to test you like it’s their job. Let them. Stand your ground. They just want to see that you’re not going to leave them like every other person in their lives have done (teachers, families and friends included). Consistency is a sort of foreign term to these kids. Don’t worry, when they steal your iphone in the first week, you’ll eventually find it in a little angel’s bag before he sneaks onto the bus. (and this won’t be the first time you have to deal with stealing and class bag searches). 

            You’ll learn that you can simply walk down the hallways and exchange looks with a coworker and understand the exact frustration and weariness they are feeling with their crazy, unorganized, “single file” troop stomping behind them. These people are a huge reason you’ll get through this first year. On days when you just want to give up, you'll get a special delivery like this to your room:

...Or texts and emails with little reminders that you’re not alone and verses that have encouraged them as they’ve struggled in the same way. You’ll go on many (code word) “shopping” trips on Fridays after school to Dukes, to have a drink and vent about your weeks. The friendships that you have formed in this first year will forever make an impact due to everything you’ve gone through together.

            You will constantly doubt your ability and your decision in choosing this  freaking career. Not to sound arrogant, but don’t listen to those lies. You’re a damn good teacher, you’re just learning.

            When I talked about being broken, I’m really not kidding. You’re going to wrestle a lot with this this year. You’re going to pray a lot of angry, confused prayers at God. You’re, at times, going to completely doubt that you really do serve a loving God with what you see your kiddos go through. Why these kids have a childhood, that pails in comparison to what you had, will always race through your mind. Yet, it’s a reminder of how blessed you’ve been and how much love you now have to pour out on these little lives. 

            When you sign that teaching contract, you’re not just signing up to be a teacher. You’ve got a lot more responsibility on your hands. You’re going to feel like you have to take on the role of mom for the little guy who lost his last year to a gang related murder. You’ll spend the whole year trying to convince that trouble maker that you truly love and care for him, even though his mom wants nothing to do with him and put him into the foster care system.

            In college when they told you each kid learns and reacts to environments differently, THEY WEREN’T KIDDING. It’ll take a long time to learn how to work with your students individually and what makes them tick. Some days certain students will completely shut down or, out of no where, break down in tears. You’ll slowly learn their backgrounds. You’ll find out about dad going to jail the weekend before or abuse situations at home. Be patient. They have no idea how to sift through these emotions that no kid should have to try to understand.   

            Make it a point to sit and talk with the class every morning about “good things” happening in their lives. When you give writing assignments, let them share. Let them simply know that they are being heard. They need that so badly.

            Your voice will be gone quite consistently, and you’ll sometimes see a side of yourself that you will never want to see again. There will be days that you will literally want to pull your hair out. (and you’ll slowly discover more gray hair this year…).  On those kind of days you’ll have a student randomly raise her hand to ask “Hey Miss. Pickett, do you need some ice?” ….  “because you need to chill out”….. (which will result in a class discussion on timing with our joke telling and when not to “push Miss. Pickett’s buttons”).

            This letter makes it sound like you’re going to be completely miserable all year long, that is not true. Yes, it’s tough, and you will most certainly have your days, but there are so many cool blessings weaved through it. God will continually show you why you’re there. You will grow to love these kids so much it hurts, and they will show you love and appreciation in so many little ways. Notes will be left on your desk from that little guy who gives you a hard time in class, but tells you in a letter that he loves you and you’re his favorite teacher he’s ever had. 

Remember that each day, you’re very slowly implanting things into these little minds that will hopefully help to build character and create good citizens in our messed up World. Keep teaching them to turn the other cheek. Don’t ever stop emphasizing that it only takes one person to really stand up against the crowd and be a leader.

You could be one of the only postive role models they have in their lives right now. You've got 18 pairs of eyes on you constantly watching how you react to situations and how you choose to love. 

Just keep chugging along. One day at a time. Keep learning. Keep loving. Keep growing. 

…. And don’t just sit there on the sidewalk at recess, pick up the 4 square ball and go play. 

Now I'll leave you with a few words of wisdom from a fifth grader to a fourth grader: ( and I'd just like to say, this teacher DID work on grammar this year. May not seem like it, but we've come a LONG way...)