Abbie Not Abigail

A letter to my future husband,

Hey you. To begin, I’d just like to say that I’m well aware that to many, this letter will seem extremely strange and out of the ordinary, but I’m still going to give it a whirl. You see, I’m not exactly married to you yet, in fact I haven’t even met you yet, or maybe we have and it's just not the right time yet? Either way, this one’s for you. 

I’m currently writing this letter from my hammock in the backyard. One thing that I’m sure you’ve already discovered about me is my love for hammocks (so we sure as heck better have a two person hammock set up in our backyard right now sugar). You’re probably shocked right now. Yes, I’m sitting at home on a weeknight. I’ve cancelled my evening plans to golf and hang out with the roommates. Why? Well mainly because my mom just accused me of having pneumonia or mono, and the fact that I need to force a little “abbie time” on myself. As you’ve already discovered, sitting and relaxing, it’s a struggle for me. Being willing to say no to activities and my incessant desire to always be around people… a HUGE struggle for this girl. I’m an extreme people pleaser, and at times have been told I’m a wee bit outgoing. Thank you for loving that about me, and yet helping me to balance out life with you. I’m learning a lot about what makes me tick right now, and what it looks like to slow life down, to process what’s going on and be fully present with the people who are around me. I hope the same goes for you. I know God’s just forming you right now into the man that I need.

I’ve definitely had my seasons of struggling with singlehood, and waiting, but I’m in a different place right now. I’ve had the privilege of standing up with some of my best friends and watching them marry their new best friends. I see new engagements and wedding pictures pop up on facebook, and I’ve watched as friends have been swept off their feet by new guys, but I’m not there yet.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m so incredibly happy for those friends who have found that special someone that they get to do life with. I’ve spent countless hours talking to these same girls, before they ran into their prince charming’s, and they showed me what true patience and trust in the Lord look like. They deserve a love like that.  

But I’ve decided that I’m not going to keep waiting for you. I’m not putting life on hold, just because I’m in my twenties and haven’t found what they all have. I want to embrace this life. I want to live to the full potential that God has for me. I don’t want to wait for a man to validate me. Yeah, I can’t wait for you to come alongside me and do this crazy journey with me, but I’m going to keep trekin along until you do.

Just to warn you though, I’ve got big plans for us when you do show up. We will take way too many pictures, go on random road trips (while holding hands and screaming off key to 90’s music). We will backpack together and pack a tent too small, just for the sole purpose of being that much closer at night. We will live simplistically and always remind each other not to get caught up with material things.  We will have countless amounts of dinner parties with friends and go to the beach as much as we can in the summertime. We will create new traditions, and teach each other our passions and hobbies. You’ll probably get sick of my indie folk music, and I pray to God you aren’t a heavy metal/ screamo kind of guy… but if you are, I still love you. You’ve got to already know by now that I love me some good ambiance. In fact, a good friend once nicknamed me “Ambient Abbie”.  I’m a sucker for Christmas lights and candles in mason jars, so please excuse the large abundance of them in the house, I just can’t help it. I can’t wait for the day we drink wine together on the porch, while I force you to listen to Coldplay with me. I’m sorry for saying “aww he/she is soo cute” everytime I see a cute kid at the zoo or the movie theatre. I love kids, I’m a teacher, what can I say? Thanks for loving that about me.

As you read the list, I hope you haven’t felt all of your masculinity slowly depleted from you. I’ve always been attracted to the manly man. I hope you have your own passions and loves that you can introduce me to. I promise to respect you and never take those things from you… (unless of course you’re golfing and fishing every night, then we need to talk ;) ) Don’t forget that I’m going to always need to be pursued, We’re going to be going on spontaneous dates together, even someday with gray hair and walkers.

Until we meet, don’t give too much of your heart away. Explore. Keep growing and learning… and you prepare yourself, I’m going to blow your mind.

<3

Abs